I was at that presentation too. They didn’t say it was impossible to be friends with people who are you staff. The point was that being your staff doesn’t automatically make them your friends. But if you truly share the same interests and hang out when they are off the clock (thus not being paid for the time they are spending with you), then that is a possibility. The goal of mentioning staff not being friends was to help be people develop healthy relationships. Friends are not paid to be with you.

I realize you think very highly of your staff. They are probably all awesome. But not everyone has such awesome staff. People with disabilities are the most abused population and the majority of the abuse is by staff. Therefore it is important that we recognize the difference between true friends and those paid to be in our lives.

I worked in a care home for years. I cared very much for every one of the residents. I often worked 16 or 17 hour shifts several days in a row. In fact, I spent more time with them than my own family. But I was paid to be there. Yes, I adored them, we had a lot of fun together. We experienced tragedies together (the death of a resident, etc). I would never abuse them or hurt them in anyway. BUT if I allowed the idea that staff are their friends, that would only set them up to be abused or taken advantage of by staff that would eventually work with them. What kind of friend would that really make me then? A friend wouldn’t set them up to be hurt, neither would good staff.

There are many people that are paid to be in our lives. My doctor, my chiropractor, my colleagues they are all paid for their time with me. I think they are all absolutely wonderful. But I am not the one they call when they have a day off and want to go see a movie, or to cry to at three in the morning when upset about something. We get along, we like each other, but we are nor friends. I love that the girls at the MAC counter at Macy’s always remember my name, they even sometimes ask about my family and I ask about theirs. But we are not friends. There is a big difference between enjoying someones company, even truly caring about them and being a true friend.

Simply put- while on the clock- staff is staff. Spending time while not being paid that is to be determined on an individual basis.