Healthy Relationships: A Valentine’s Day Perspective

As Valentine’s Day approaches, our focus naturally turns toward love, companionship, and the bonds that tie us together. It’s essential to recognize that everyone, regardless of their abilities, deserves to experience healthy and fulfilling relationships. When it comes to relationships with people with disabilities, certain foundational elements remain constant. Let’s explore some of these key components that contribute to a meaningful and respectful connection.

Parts That Make Up a Good Relationship

1. Mutual Respect: The cornerstone of any healthy relationship is mutual respect. Recognizing and valuing each other’s individuality, aspirations, and boundaries is crucial. This respect forms the foundation upon which trust, understanding, and love can flourish.

2. Empathy and Understanding: Empathy allows us to understand and share the feelings of another person. In relationships with people with disabilities, it’s essential to approach situations with an open heart and mind, striving to understand their experiences and perspectives genuinely.

3. Shared Values and Interests: While differences can enrich a relationship, having shared values, interests, or goals can create a sense of connection and common purpose. Engaging in activities that both partners enjoy can foster closeness and mutual enjoyment.

Communication

Effective communication is the lifeblood of any relationship, enabling partners to express their feelings, needs, and desires openly and honestly. When communicating with someone with a disability:

1. Be Patient and Attentive: Allow them time to express themselves without rushing or interrupting. Listen actively, showing genuine interest and understanding.

2. Adapt Your Communication Style: Depending on the individual’s disability, you may need to adjust your communication style. For example, using visual aids, simple language, or alternative communication methods can facilitate understanding and connection.

3. Encourage Open Dialogue: Create a safe and supportive environment where both partners feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, concerns, and feelings. Validate each other’s experiences and perspectives, fostering mutual respect and understanding.

Trust

Trust is a fundamental element of any healthy relationship, providing a sense of security, reliability, and mutual support. To build and maintain trust:

1. Be Reliable and Dependable: Honor your commitments, be consistent in your actions, and demonstrate reliability in your interactions.

2. Respect Boundaries: Recognize and respect each other’s boundaries, preferences, and comfort levels. Communicate openly about expectations and limitations, ensuring mutual understanding and respect.

Personal Choice in a Relationship

Every individual has the right to make choices regarding their relationships, including those with disabilities. Respect their autonomy, preferences, and decisions, ensuring that:

1. Informed Consent: Prioritize informed consent in all aspects of the relationship, ensuring that both partners have a clear understanding and agreement regarding their involvement.

2. Empowerment and Support: Encourage self-determination and independence, providing the necessary support and resources to enable them to make informed choices and pursue their aspirations.

Conflict Resolution

Conflicts are a natural part of any relationship, providing opportunities for growth, understanding, and reconciliation. When addressing conflicts:

1. Maintain Respectful Communication: Approach conflicts with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to listen and understand each other’s perspectives.

2. Seek Mediation if Needed: If conflicts escalate or become challenging to resolve, consider seeking mediation or counseling to facilitate constructive communication, understanding, and resolution. If you and your partner cannot solve the conflict at hand, it’s important to be able to turn to people you trust for support. Some may include friends, family, or a professional (which could be: a therapist, life coach, or clergy).

In conclusion, healthy relationships with people with disabilities are built on mutual respect, communication, trust, personal choice, and effective conflict resolution. As we celebrate love and connection this Valentine’s Day, let’s strive to foster relationships that honor and empower each other, recognizing the unique value, strengths, and contributions of every individual, regardless of their abilities.

This Year marks the 50 th anniversary of People First.  People First began in Oregon in 1974.  A group of people who just got out of an institution were brought together to form a support group. They learned that they could rely on each other instead of support staff.

When trying to name their group a lady named, Judy Cunio said “We are people first, our disabilities are second,” and that is where the name People First came from.

Region 2 People First and People First of California are coming together to celebrate this milestone anniversary!  Please join us for this celebration by attending the People First Conference on May 17, 18, & 19 th, 2024 at the Gaia Hotel in Anderson, CA.

You DO NOT have to be a People First member to attend. If you need help paying for the conference, you can contact your service coordinator and ask them to add it to your IPP and your regional center can help you pay for it. Registration materials will be available at the end of January.

If you have any questions please call Brandi at 530-223-7771.

For us at Pathfinders, new year’s resolutions aren’t something we do. We feel that they just set us up to fail. We start a new year’s resolution and then quit in few months in. When we fall off and fail at a goal, it can make us feel bummed out. Or, if we make a new year’s resolution, give up a couple of months later, and don’t really care, it means that we don’t take our goals seriously.

That doesn’t mean that we should not try to do something we want or try to be our best. It’s important to set goals. Goals to do things that we want to do, or to improve our life are always good to work on, but we can make them anytime, we don’t always have to wait for the new year.

Writing down goals helps to make them real. Setting a goal, and adding steps to your daily to do list, can help you get it done. Tools like Life Plans and Vision Boards can help you pick a goal and figure out the steps to get there. Setting a goal with a target date can help motivate you. Writing down your goal, and going back to look at it, can help keep you on track.

Some goals that we are working on might have other people involved, or they may be something that we are doing on our own. The toughest part about making and working on a goal is motivation. When the goal involves others, sometimes we might need to be the cheerleader. Sometimes we will need someone to help us. No matter what that goal is, we should share them with somebody we trust. Someone who will cheer us on and support us.

Some of the goals that we as a team have worked on for ourselves, have been to take better care of ourselves or take trips. One of our team set a goal to travel across the country to visit family. They were a little scared, but with help from their family, they were able to take the trip, have a great time with family, on the east coast.

One of the things that all our individual goals all have in common is that they all need work. We must set some time aside, and sometimes give up something we like, to meet our goal.
Sometimes those goals are for very big things, or small. For a big goal it is a good idea to break it up into some smaller goals, and to do over them over a shorter period of time. By following the steps, you carry out parts of the bigger goal, and it feels good. You feel like “I can do this”. It feels like whatever you are working on is possible.

When we have reached goals, like flying across the country, or dropping some weight, and we get those experiences and results we want, it changes us for the better. Accomplishing goals can help us learn more about ourselves and improve our lives. It’s a positive change that we can feel, and others can see in us.

If you only wait for the right time to do something, it may never happen. The right time to make something happen is now. Don’t procrastinate. Accomplishing a goal will give you confidence. With each step you get done to achieve your goal, it motivates you to keep going. When you see the results, you feel better. When you feel better, you will live better.

I had the opportunity to sit down and ask a few questions with some of the business owners in the Adventures in Business Program.

What is the best part of owning your own business?

Dyvonne:
I learned to learn how to respect other people and be kind.
And making money, to build up my business account.

Naomi:
I’m going out and selling things and being proud. Being proud to have a business.

David:
Wanting people to like my work and telling them about my work and just owning a business is great. And sharing my art with other people.

Rebekah:
Being independent and doing it for myself and my confidence. Knowing if you have somebody that’s going to be there and you can depend on them. I would say also having sales is great, but I would say the best thing for me is having somebody come to my booth. And enjoying their product and coming back maybe to the next show and saying they use the cup all the time and they smile each time they use that item that they bought 3 months ago, two months ago. That’s what makes having a good business. It also makes me proud that I have a business and I am the owner of my business.

Frank:
I meet people, and some people always make a comment about my work.

What is the hardest part about owning your business?

Dyvonne:
The hardest part is to be careful and to learn how be confident of yourself and respect yourself.
And be kind to other people.

Naomi:
Getting money to buy things for my business. And making new things. It’s tough to keep on top of everything.

David:
Keeping up with things, doing more and more prints. Because sometimes I sell a lot of prints and I just have to make more and more and it’s not easy.

Rebekah:
I would say being accountable for your own things that you do. And having a good mentor. I know Jennifer has been the best mentor since I have her now, and I would say it’s always hard to make up new items. But I think I do a pretty good job with making new items because I always look at different art shows and that’s how I get new ideas.

Frank:
Number one getting older.
Trying to figure out what to create that people will buy.

Where do you get your creative ideas?

Dyvonne:
For my creative ideas, I’ve learned how to do all my creative ideas before I started working with the business. I used to do centerpieces, going to different church conferences, and I would take all my craft stuff to different conferences, and I learned it on my own. I went to Shasta college for four years to get my certificate.

Naomi:
My mind and looking at pictures.

David:
I usually go on Google and look up artists like Paul Klees and Picasso.
I just like impressionist art. And I get my ideas by going to art museums like the De Young Museum in San Francisco, the Palace of Legion of Honor. I get a lot of art ideas from other artists and get a lot of inspiration.

Rebekah:
I like nature, the mountains, the trees, and the water. I like doing animals like dogs and cows. I just love doing art because expresses who I am to the public and lets people know that you can do anything you want in life and if you love it, you should do it and don’t stop if you love it and enjoy it.  And that’s me, that’s how I get my inspiration.

Frank:
I get ideas from going out and looking around at different places. Like when we went to the Tree Farm I came up with all kinds of ideas as we walked around. Also if somebody tells me what they would like to have a photo of, I go out and create it.

What is the best part? And then conversely, what is the worst part of craft fairs?

Dyvonne:
The worst part of craft fairs. Like sometimes when people come by your booth, sometimes they can be rude. They move stuff and don’t put it back in the right spot. I love craft fairs because you meet and you greet people. You meet a lot of people, you go to different booths. You go to different tables, you meet a lot of different people, and then you pass out your Flyers to other business owners.

Naomi:
People say it’s good work. People buy things.
And then the nice people.
People say they’re gonna buy and walk away to the ATM and they don’t come back.

David:
Just sharing my art talent with other people and just wanted to share what I’m doing as a block printer and do prints and drawings. Sometimes when I have to use the restroom and I have to go really bad. And I can’t leave yet. And that’s not easy.

Rebekah:
Meeting lots of different people. That’s the best thing for me at an art show.
And the worst thing would be.
I would say it does get disappointing when people say they’re gonna buy something they don’t come back. But you always want to have a good attitude and smile. Because at the end of the day, you never know, you might make that one sale that might pay for your whole booth.
I would say having a good day and a bad day really doesn’t make too much of a difference for me. Knowing that I meet people and my name is out in the community, that’s always the best thing for me.

Frank:
Meeting people and getting to know them. The bad part is the wrong kind of people, the people with an attitude, they don’t talk to you nicely. But you just have to suck it up and ignore the comments that they make.

What advice would you give somebody else who wanted to start their own art business?

Dyvonne:
You would help them out with their paperwork.

Naomi:
Get a good art mentor. Make sure you have a lot of pictures to sell.

David:
Be positive about yourself and believe in yourself and your gonna do just fine.

Rebekah:
If you love it keep on doing it and don’t let anybody say anything different about you because an artist is always a true artist no matter what. Having a bookkeeper is great. And having a good mentor that’s another thing that’s great and it’s going to help you out in the long run.

Frank:
Keep your personal appearance and booth looking neat and professional.

The road to voting for people with disabilities has been a long one. Thanks to the Americans With Disabilities Act, individuals with disabilities have the same rights and responsibilities to vote as any other citizen. In our nation’s history, there were reading requirements to vote. The Americans With Disabilities Act changed the laws so it made voting accessible to everyone. It also required that assistance be provided to help people vote.

Voting affects everyone in America. Many of our laws are decided through voting. As people with disabilities, voting can affect things like your independence to be part of your community. It also affects things like our education system, regional center services, taxes, property, your home, medical, and many other things. It is also important that our legislators understand that we care and our vote and our voice is just as important as anyone else.

As of the 2022 general election in California, only about 41% of people who could vote, actually voted.  That means less than half of California’s voters are making decisions for everyone. The Vote! Project, through the We Care A Lot Foundation, helps voters with disabilities understand their rights when it comes to voting. We also try to help everyone understand what is on their ballots. We can also help people register to vote.

Voting is one of the most important things we can do as American citizens. We challenge all of you to get registered to vote and vote in every election. Your voice and your vote matter!

To Register to Vote:
Voter Registration:: California Secretary of State

To Check Voter Registration Status:
Check Your Voter Registration Status:: California Secretary of State

To Track Your Ballot:
Where’s My Ballot? :: California Secretary of State

To Help You Understand Your Ballot:
California Easy Voter Guide
VOTE411
Ready to Vote? – We Vote
VoteAmerica: Everything You Need to Vote

Here in Northern California, many have lived through emergency evacuations. Some get to go back to their homes where nothing has changed, some go back home and have to rebuild everything they ever had and some have to start all over in a completely different location. Many of these people are forced to leave everything behind from homes, and belongings to lifelong friends.

Here are two personal stories from People First Advocates in Northern California: one a survivor of the CARR Fire in July 2018 and one a survivor of the Dixie Fire in July 2021.

Being prepared will help keep you safe if you have to evacuate. At the end of this blog Rebekah, a presenter of the Feeling Safe, Being Safe emergency preparedness team will share a few tips that will help you prepare for any type of emergency evacuation.

When we had to evacuate from the Camp Fire I was so beyond scared.
Yes, I did have a place to meet up with my family. But, my husband and I did not drive and we had to trust strangers to get us to safety.
To the people of Maui: Do not give up on hope. Yes, it may be hard at times, but look at Paradise, CA. It has been almost 5 years since the Camp Fire happened.  All things will be worth it in the end. Yes, Paradise is slowly rebuilding.
Maui as I have learned from being a survivor of the Camp Fire, home will always be home, whether you’re there to see it being rebuilt from near or far.
Just have faith. It may be hard but don’t lose faith. My prayers are with you guys at this time…

By Taya Rathburn-Bias-Cooper Paradise, CA Camp Fire Survivor

That night when I walked outside I felt like I was in hell.
The sky was hot, smoky, and red. The falling ash felt like the sky was falling. When it sunk in how close the fire really was, I started to cry because it was so scary. I realized I was not prepared to evacuate. Now, being a trainer on the Feeling Safe, Being Safe team has helped me be better prepared.
I feel so sad for the people in Maui. I can’t imagine how it would feel to lose everything you have. It must be scary not knowing what the future is for them. I wouldn’t know what direction to go first. I feel so blessed that I still have my kids.
I hope the people of Maui hold tight to their family and friends, they still have, for the emotional support they need to help get each other through the rest of these rough times.

Here are a few things you can do to help you be better prepared:

1.  Pack your “Emergency Go Bag”
   1. a. Make sure you have your list of emergency contacts.
   2. b. Pack a list of your medication in your “Go Bag.’
2. Make your plan for how you will evacuate and where you will go
3. Pack a “Go Bag” for your pets
4. Keep your “Go Bag” in an easy-to-grab location.

By Rebekah Amick Carr Fire Survivor, Feeling Safe, Being Safe Team Member

You can ask for a free presentation on our Feeling Safe, Being Safe page on this website. These presentations are in person in Northern California or to any location, worldwide, over Zoom.