Not so much in the land of social services… I should rephrase that. In our classes when we bring up the question, what is a stranger? The pat answer of course is, “someone you have never met”. When we start a conversation about what we have learned about strangers, inevitably we end up with answers that include, “watch out for strangers”, “strangers will snatch you up”, “never talk to strangers”. I'm sure it sounds familiar as it was probably what you were taught growing up as well. But are strangers really as dangerous as people with disabilities have been taught? Well, yes and no. Yes in the sense that people with disabilities are often more vulnerable to manipulation and abuse. Being taught basic safety such as don't get in the car of a stranger is a good thing. Where the danger lies however, is where the lesson ends and reality begins.
In reality, most people with disabilities have a long line of staff that rotate through their lives. A long line of staff that have access to their most personal details- school records, medical records, financial records, criminal records, family history, etc. In addition to the access to the personal details there is also usually access to their mind, body and spirit, which is where the real damage can take place. Have you ever met someone that proceeded to tell you their life story as soon as they learned your name? That is what I am talking about. That inherent trust that instantaneously appears as soon as they have learned your name. Now that they know your name, they know YOU. What is dangerous about this? The vast majority of abuse occurs from someone the person knows, and SHOULD be able to trust. This is oftentimes staff. You may be a good person, but how about the next staff to come along? Chronic abusers know how to charm their way into a new job, a new group home, or a new group of clients. More often than not after an agency finds an abuser among them, the reaction is shock- I never would have suspected.
What the Respect Yourself program teaches instead is that a stranger is not only someone you have never met, but also is someone you have JUST met and know very little about. It takes time to develop the trust needed to have a closer relationship, and there is NO way to do that within the first few times of meeting someone. Years ago in my career I met a woman who would not allow me into her home for a meeting, like so many others had done with no problem. I remember being so annoyed with her for messing up my schedule. We had to meet at neutral locations several times before she would let me in her home- what a pain! Looking back now of course I am embarrassed of my impatience. After being abused by several staff members, this person had chosen the safest route possible. People with disabilities SHOULD be encouraged to wait on trusting someone new. We do not advocate being scared of strangers, only cautious and careful. As staff we should be patient and encouraging of that initial distrust as it is what will keep more people safe.
